If I could describe my relationship with NewYork as anything in the world, it would be ice cream. Yea I know it sounds completely weird, but that’s just how I see it from living here my whole life. It’s like when you first see ice cream, your hunger starts to go untamed and you just want to devour it because it looks so good to you. But then when you look at it for too long, it starts to melt slowly as you become uninterested in eating it so you would probably want something new for a change. Maybe a different flavor to spice up your taste buds or maybe it’s missing something. 

          I lived in New York City for about 18 years which pretty much sums up my whole life. I was born in Upstate NewYork, which I call “The Deepend” because it was a part of me that I left behind there after I left. It wasn’t exactly bad there, it was calm and the people were nice over there. The neighborhood was very friendly and the neighbors would always greet you and say “Hello good morning” with a bright smile on their face. I didn’t necessarily hate it over there, it was a place that I call my original home. When I was little, I used to go to this ice cream parlor down the street from my old house. I loved their ice cream and the flavors were “to die for”. It wasn’t like they had the original flavors like vanilla, chocolate, or even strawberry ice cream. They had flavors that I’ve never heard of before like Raspberry vanilla bean swirl or Mint Chocolate n Cherrys or even Orange tang ice cream. I’ve never heard of orange tang being in ice cream but as a kid, I was ready to try anything new. I felt adventurous in a way because trying new flavors was like a hobby of mine back then. But after I left upstate, it was like I had forgotten all about it. The day I left was the day I realized that things would change for me. The day that things wouldn’t be the same for me and that I would have to adjust to a new lifestyle of mine that I have still to this day. It was the day I left my dad. 

When I first moved to Brooklyn, I was amazed. I loved the city and the roaring lights. The Brooklyn Bridge and parks they have, Times Square and all of its places to shop at, The different museums to visit, many options of food and dining, and many more about New York.  I loved the parties and the national events that took place in different areas around the city. I loved the different attractions of amusement parks and beaches that are filled with different people you meet along the way. It was in fact, “the city that never sleeps” some people would say. Joan Didion once mentioned in her story “Goodbye to All That”, “It’s easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends”. I resonated with this quote because I could relate to when I first came to Brooklyn. I thought of moving as a new beginning for me because Brooklyn was something different for me. I saw this as a new beginning for me because maybe starting over in a new place could develop who I am as a person. But what were the ends of this place called “Brooklyn”? Was it a place that I can call home or was it just a place that’s temporary to me? It is a place I got to know many of my family members and friends that I have now. Brooklyn was the place where I simply opened up my shell and I became more outgoing with others. I was shy when I first moved and I was so used to being by myself that I never wanted to make friends or speak to anyone at all. I enjoyed staying by myself and thought maybe being by myself wasn’t that bad but over time I started to become more and more social in which it surprised me in a way. I made new friends at a new school and tried new things like drawing, writing, or even reading different books that I like to read as a kid. But there are pros and cons of living here in Brooklyn. The pros are simple, different areas of NewYork that you can explore and see, very diverse that you might find people like you that share the same culture or similarities, and there’s a lot of ways to get around the city and many jobs and careers that take place here. But of course, the cons are the people you meet might not be the best, some places are very dirty compared to others and there’s a lot of gang activity around Brooklyn. It’s not the best place to be in the world but I could say that the pros sometimes outweigh the cons a little bit.

Every day, there was always a familiar sense of being in Brooklyn. One afternoon, I heard the ice cream truck with its little song playing while kids ran out to the truck to go buy ice cream with excitement. They had little smiles on their face and it amused me in a way. It got me thinking of the old times at that ice cream parlor. And you’re probably wondering, “you’re talking about ice cream a little too much here”. But all I can say is that ice cream kind of reminds me of my life back then and how it all used to be before the move. The many different flavors are what I missed badly. It reminded me of home back upstate so much and I thought “oh how I miss it up there”. It made me cry sometimes because it brought so many memories of home with my dad. Like that orange tang ice cream, I missed them both dearly. It was the one relationship that I missed poorly. I loved my dad with all my heart but something changed. Our relationship grew distant after the move. It was like being too far away was so much of an issue that communication was hard to adjust every day. Just like sticking to one flavored ice cream was hard because if there’s too much of a flavor then you might lose interest in that swiftly. It was hard communicating with him and it’s still hard to even till this day. He would cry on the other end of the line and there was not much to talk about besides the times we had. Part of me wishes that things were different but things happen for a reason and maybe someday I’ll find out.

 I have currently finished high school and now I’m in college but a piece of me wishes to be somewhere else in the world. New York is ok and all to me now but it’s not as amazing as I first thought it would be. I’ve been to all the attractions and the parties and the events that happen almost every year now. I’ve been to the Brooklyn bridge and the amusement parks and seen what it’s like to meet new people like a typical new yorker would experience. It doesn’t feel special like it did from before. It now feels like a routine for me that I go through every year so I know it’s expected. New York is like a clock to me. Just like in Zadie Smith’s narrative called “Under the Banner of New York”, she mentions how cities have routines that they follow and it repeats itself over time. She also mentions that people can be routines for others, that “ You can’t always predict what a New Yorker will say, but they are reliable in another sense, tending to walk a certain route at a precise time of the day, week in, week out, so that after a while it’s possible to treat them like human clocks”. I agree with this quote because, over time, people in new york are so used to having daily routines of theirs that once it’s disrupted, you’re pushed back somehow but it’s different because we use other people as clocks to keep in mind. Maybe seeing the same person on the train or bus lets you know what time it is or how late it is in the day. New York has a routine of people being busy in the morning, rush hour in the evening, sleep at night, and party on weekends. Living here in New York for so long, I also have a routine. I wake up with school work to do, chores throughout the day, eat, and sleep until the next day. It was kind of hard to try to keep the same routine because a global pandemic happened and things weren’t the same as they used to be. I slept and ate less and barely had any motivation to do any work every day which then changed the routine a lot. But everyday I try my best to maintain that daily routine so that I’m able to work consistently and comfortably.

I feel like I’m missing something in my life like a topping is missing from the ice cream cone. You would think a good chocolate syrup, cherries, or maybe even gummies would make a good topping when its sprinkles, or at least that’s what they mostly put on ice cream in Brooklyn. What I mean is that I feel like I should try living in other places in the world besides New York. I’ve always wondered, what will life be like if I lived in other places besides living in New York ? or will my feelings change and grow fonder of this beautiful place they call New York? I won’t ever know unless I try right? I do feel like I’m trapped living in Brooklyn, like no matter the place I go, I’ll always have Brooklyn to come back to. Like when I first visited the Dominican Republic for the first time to visit family members from my mom’s side of the family. I loved it there. I mean there wasn’t one thing that I hated about that country. The water was amazing and clear, the music and food were great and the people there were so nice. I didn’t get to stay for too long, but if I had the chance to live there, then I would. But there are many places that are in the world that I want to visit besides DR.

So where did I end up currently? I’m still here in New York and feelings are still the same to me. New York hasn’t changed for me at all and still feel like I should get out. I still feel like New York is the same place to party and go to places and meet new people. New York is still the city that never sleeps. I wonder if my opinion will change if I leave here someday. Will I miss it here? Or will I always have a reminder that New York was the place that changed my life, the place that shaped who I am today?

 I will never find out until I get out and find a new flavor.